WTF???

Several things are troubling me:

1) Do you ever go to a store like Home Depot, buy a couple of things (light bulbs, batteries, etc.), and when you try to walk out the door after paying... a security guard stops you like you have a pound of crack cocaine hidden in your colon? Gee Officer, what can I do for you? You'd like to see my receipt? I have no problem with that. I might quietly point out that if you hadn't been flirting with the toothless woman selling hot dogs, you might have noticed that a mere four steps from our current location, I just paid for these items... but, here is my receipt. Umm, I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but all you did was make a small squiggle mark. You didn't even inspect the contents of my bag! Is it totally unreasonable to suggest that the "security" guard do something... ANYthing... that in any way makes the products that he's protecting even the slightest bit more secure?!?

2) It is so cold in Chicago right now, that my dogs won't even take a shit outside. Normally they love to run around outside like it's their last day of freedom. I can't say that I entirely blame them. I wouldn't be excited about taking my pants off in -40 degree weather either. I feel so badly for them. I try to imagine squatting barefoot on a massive block of ice. I think I would look up at my parents with the same pathetic look. I wish I could help you guys.

3)

Is it really necessary that Jennifer Aniston continue to get hotter every couple of years? Jesus.

4) According to Sports Illustrated, "the Yankees have reached an agreement in principle to sign Mark Teixeira, beating out the rival Red Sox for the free-agent slugger's services. Teixeira, who hit .308 with 33 home runs and 121 RBIs in 2008, will receive an eight-year, $180 Million deal from the Yankees with a full no-trade provision." That's $22.5 Million per year. It would certainly appear that the current economic meltdown is not affecting Mark Teixeira. Fuck that guy.