Few things in life are more irritating to me than stepping in a big pile of dog crap. Invariably, when this happens to me, several things leap to mind:1) I feel like I am the only person I know that actually steps in crap. Why do I think this? Because I NEVER hear anyone else complain about it. When I step in crap, I tend to bitch for weeks. I don't hear anyone else do this so I can only assume that everyone else is much better at avoiding the crap than I am.
2) Why am I always wearing shoes that have an infinite number of nooks and crannies when I step in crap? Why do shoe-makers even design shoes with that quantity of ridges? Are they taunting me? It is virtually impossible to clean crap off of the bottom of a shoe. Water doesn't work. Paper towels don't work. I think shoe designers sat down and tried to conceive of a shape that would be impervious to all de-crapping attempts. Especially when you factor in the arch of the shoe which renders the bottom un-scrapeable, they have done their job extremely well.
3) I would rather go out and buy a brand new pair of shoes than go through the agony of trying to clean the crap off my shoes.
4) Have you ever tried to clean crap off of your shoes? It's not like you can just run inside and clean them off; you'll get crap on the carpet in the hallway and then on the floor. So, what do you do? You try to clean them with whatever is around. Of course, there is never an appropriately sized stick, so I end up using twigs that break immediately, leaves, or rocks and berries. Not only do I feel like I'm on an episode of Survivor, but I have really only succeeded in pushing the crap deeper into the ridges on the shoe.
5) I would rather be barefoot when I step in crap, than be wearing a pair of shoes with ridges. At least I could easily clean off my feet.
6) After swearing for fifteen minutes and unsuccessfully trying to clean off my shoes, I notice that there are little red and yellow pieces of plastic in the crap. Hmm, my dog eats a toy that is red and yellow. That means I stepped in his pile.
CRAP!
1 comment:
Though I don't bitch about it for weeks on end, I too have sacrificed pairs of shoes rather than deal with scraping the crap off of them. I can think of at least two pairs of shoes that I have thrown away as a result of encounters of the canine kind. And there's a third pair I remember, a pair of hiking boots, that I left in the woods after I discovered the answer to the age-old question, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" the hard way.
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