Nursery Porn

Yes, you read the title correctly. My daughter is four months old and we have a huge quantity of books that we constantly read to her. One book in particular, caught our eye yesterday. Originally published by Barnes & Noble in 2003, First Rhymes is "A delightful collection of timeless rhymes - perfect for young children everywhere."

The book contains classic nursery rhymes that we all remember from childhood; Humpty Dumpty, Mary Had a Little Lamb, Jack Be Nimble, Old Mother Hubbard... you get the idea. Some of the rhymes are a little more obscure. If you had the book in front of you, I would direct you to page 38, to read a lovely little rhyme called "I Love Little Pussy":

I LOVE LITTLE PUSSY
I love little pussy,
Her coat is so warm,
And if I don't hurt her
She'll do my no harm.

I think I speak for all the parents out there when I say, WHAT THE FUCK?!? I have a few issues:

1) Who the hell wrote this? Could anyone possibly have been living in 2003 and not have heard the word "pussy" used to refer to a vagina? If you surveyed the 300,000,000 people living in the United States, I'm guessing that roughly no one would find this rhyme "delightful", "timeless", or "perfect for young children". I'm guessing that everyone would in fact find this rhyme "creepy", "pedophile-ish", and "hopeless".

2) What the hell does this poem mean? As far as I can tell, there are only two possibilities. First, this poem could have been written by a kind and decent person (albeit horribly misguided) who had something interesting to say about cats. In that case, the poem is clearly meant to minimize physical violence towards cats. Second, this poem could have been written a total sexual deviant who felt it necessary to warn small children against intentionally injuring other people's vaginas. Either way, I think the author needs to work on understanding their audience a little better.

3) How the hell does this get published? Shame on you Barnes & Noble. Here's a crazy suggestion. Have someone read the stuff you're going to sell in your stores, BEFORE you publish it. Additionally, I would suggest that this person have a background check and have at least successfully completed their freshman year of high school.