24

No, not the show. And for those of you that knew me in junior high, not the math game either. I'm talking about the last 24 hours. Not the best day. Here's why:

1) I'm hungover. When I was in college, hangovers were pretty common so I kind of got used to them. I think the problem is that I'm extremely out of practice. A bunch of my co-workers went out for Happy Hour last night. Somehow that turned into 8 hours of beer and scotch. I think I speak for my liver when I say, "OUCH! What the hell are you doing?? Do you think you're still 19? Do us a favor and act your age asshole. And while we're talking, why do you always end up with nachos on your shirt at the end of a night of drinking? Slob. And stop burping. Every time you burp, you smell like the alley behind a Binny's."

2) I'm broke. Remember in college when you would go out for dinner with about 35 people and after passing the check around and collecting money from everyone, you were about $300 short of the necessary amount? When I go out drinking now, that phenomenon has evolved. The bill was $200 and four people split it. I look in my wallet this morning and see that I spent about $250. I need Stephen Hawking to explain how in hell that is possible.

3) Fuck United Airlines! Can someone please explain to me how they're still screwing me years after they declared bankruptcy? Back in February, we booked tickets on United to fly from Chicago to West Palm Beach in December. In August, United had the decency to call and let us know that they were discontinuing all direct flights to and from West Palm Beach. Since they no longer serviced our destination city, we had to switch our nonstop flights into one-stop flights that end up in Miami; a two hour drive from West Palm Beach. This morning, I got a call that our return flight is now getting in at 7:15pm on New Year's Eve. Of course, that means that my dogs will have to spend two extra nights being boarded, which amounts to an extra $150. I'm expecting United to call me in a few weeks and let me know that New Year's Eve has been canceled this year; they're reposessing my car; and that I am long over due for a rectal exam. Bastards.