Can't Take Anymore

After his overwhelming success with the Third Reich, I'm pretty sure that at some point in between marrying Eva Braun and committing suicide in the Führerbunker, this man somehow found the time to start another clandestine and deeply evil organization: the CTA. Only a minion of Satan could devise something as utterly fucked as the CTA is. My day started as it normally does; with me waiting for the train. While I was waiting for approximately 25 minutes, I had some time to think. I looked at the CTA train map

and realized that several things make no sense to me:

1) Why does it take 25 minutes for a train to come? Trains are supposed to come roughly every 5 minutes. By the time the train actually showed up, the platform looked like Woodstock. I think there were 100,000 people waiting for the red-line. It was absolute mayhem. Forget the fact that the arriving train was already bursting at the seams; when the doors opened it was like the running of the bulls. I understand a regular traffic jam. Some dipshit gets terrified to drive the speed limit because there is a pothole in the highway and so it takes 3 times as long as necessary to get home. That makes me want to kill someone, but at least I understand it. What the hell goes wrong on a train track?? There are no drunk drivers; no gapers delay; no bitch putting on lipstick while talking on her cell phone and driving; just trains that have rigid schedules they are supposed to keep.

2) Once I'm finally on a train, something comes over me and I turn into a complete douche. I don't know what it is, but it's basically like all of my morals and ethics go right to shit. I don't give up my seat for people; I'm reluctant to even move out of the way so that people can pass by me. I think I am the end result of 5 years of being furious at the CTA. Normally, I like to think of myself as a relatively pleasant guy, but if I met me on a train, I would want to kick me right in the balls.

3) Why do I take the train twice every single day instead of taking a cab? The obvious answer is that a cab would cost roughly $18 each way and the train only costs $2, but that can't be the only answer. When I'm standing directly underneath the chin of some gargantuan asshole with neck piercings and breath that smells like he just blew an infected barnyard animal, unable to move becuase some other schmuk's North Face duffel bag is resting on my chest, I would gladly pay $18 to be in a putrid disgusting cab.